Excess Baggage

“Sir, I would be very obliged if you could stop drinking coffee for a minute.”

What!? I almost got out of my wonderful Seattle’s finest coffee induced reverie. “Eh?”, I managed a fine retort back.

“Sir, this is the branch manager’s office and I would request you very much if you can avoid food and beverage consumption here”

Ten bucks to guess where I’m at. Yep. Bull’s eye, Sir. I’m back in India and I’m loving it! Trust us to twirl this wonderful language around like a chakli and bring out the very best of it - class or crass. Its just been a month for me back home and I can’t express my happiness for crying out loud. New job. New place (first time for me in Bengaluru) and new rush of adrenaline. As I excitedly stood in the airline check-in counter line, little did I know that my old nemesis was coming back to hit me.

I vaguely remember an incident that happened way back in my college. In one of the Parent-Prof meetings (Yes, I went to one of those colleges where they have this awesome stuff), one of my lesser favourite Profs commented to my bemused mom,  “He’s a fairly harmless chap. Manages to get work done but I won’t really hire him to check in airline tickets, you know. You’re much better off leveraging services of this desk right here. Haha!”,rattling the tiffin boxes he had confiscated from students caught making a private picnic prior to allocated lunch hour, with a loud guffaw. He was referring to an unfortunate incident where I checked in 150 students going to a study tour without adding bags. Although, I could wash my hands away from the financial loss, I could see that my Principal was really pissed about the cancellation of his planned Sawantwadi vacation when he paid for all 150 (x2: we Punekars believe in cashing in our right!) of them out of his own pocket when the students firmly refused to cough up. So yes, airline check ins. Not really great memories. And don’t even get me started about the one where, in rush I entered the birth date of my uncle as 20 Oct 2012. (instead of, um, 20th Oct 1962) And the uncomfortable questions he had to endure that the check-in counter. Poor fellow hadn’t even shaved for a week, which made the matters even worse, I think. So yeah. There I am. At the check in queue. Bags weighed twice and added online. Feeling smug, I looked at the excess baggage passengers forced to excavate their treasures in all sundry and having a shouting match with their folks while doing so. Nah, this time I was prepared.

As I put down my bag on the scale, imagine my shock, when the gate lady said “That will be 1000 rupees, Sir.”. You remember that scene in Mohenjodaro when Hrithik Roshan sees the croc under water? (Speaking of which, I was researching more on the lingo those folks employed, until the old fellow started blurting out Hindi all of the sudden. It seemed very vaguely similar to Dothraki. Wait! Is it possible-? Anyway, that’s for another blog. Next year. :P) I was incredulous. No, Freaking.Way.

S: “Ma’am, I have weighed this myself. On an electronic scale. Also I came from the US. I’m used to weighing bags so much I can work here for you guys when your scale breaks down. Could you please check again?”

M: “This is the way it is, Sir.”

S:  “One more time, please”

Someone rep from the peanut gallery —— "Oye American Hero. Itna time lagaana hai toh side men nikal”

Resigning myself to fate, I joined those poor souls who I had been so mockingly looking at all this time. Karma, I tell you! As soon as I opened my bag, bang! There it was - Sweets from my nice grandma, who had packed enough sweets to fund Alok Nath’s next movie. Choicest collection of Kadak Boondi laddoos, karanjis and chivdas. I managed to shove the lighter things in my backpack, which was already groaning from my travels and all that was left was kadak boondi.
Two roads to take -
 1. Eat them all
 2.Pay for the extra weight.

Challenge Accepted. I opened the box and started going about my business. I offered the first one to a balding uncle nearby who was sweating profusely. He politely declined. Next, I went to one of the bag organising passengers like me -a lady on the verge of shouting something real loud when I caught her just before her vocal cords declared strike. Oh man.. If looks could kill. Next guy in the queue asked me if I had Gulaab Jamuns instead. Finally, after several disapproving stares, mutterings and suspicious guards I found my man. He too was traveling to Bangalore, and guess what we hailed from the same part of Pune. After chit chatting for a while enquiring about what happened to that tea shop near that tree and cussing everyone from the local newspaper boy to the government (while going at it with the laddoos) he couldn’t keep up anymore.

“This plane has just one toilet man…Low cost hai..JFYI”

Fair point.

Thinking thus, I agreed to meet a fine balance of eating now and doing so later. Although the bag was still overweight, I could no longer risk eating more laddoos, fearing for myself and those around me.

M: “500 Rupees Sir”

Voila. Like Rajnikant taking out his gun, I took out my credit card.

M: “This doesn’t work, Sir. It shows not allowed”

S: “ What! Its Gold Delta Airlines AMEX card! its got $10,000 limit. What are you saying!?” My reputation was at stake in front of an already hostile crowd. 

M: “Foreign cards not accepted”

@$urs@!!

S: “Have my watch instead. 500 bucks. Bargain.”

M: “Not funny, Sir.”

After literally taking out every penny that I had on me (including the ones I had especially saved to buy chewing gum) and borrowing 10 bucks from a nearby porter (while promising to Venmo him the amount later of course. I’m not sure whether he has Venmo. Or whether Venmo works here at all.. Does it? If not, I’ll use Xoom. :P) I trudged my way to the Security gate amid nasty glares and menacing jaws. The flight itself was uneventful, unless you count the toddler next to me (why am I always blessed with crying babies and snoring men around all the time?? Why!) spilling coffee on his Dad, who in turn spilled something else on the steward. Super funny, but situational. Unfortunately the steward and the dad didn’t echo the same sentiment when I laughed! The kid was a little more magnanimous, though! :) So after tense several hours since leaving my home in the morning, I finally landed in Bengaluru at 1 pm the afternoon.

Mom: “How was your flight?”

S: “Not bad. Some check in issues, but overall ok”

Mom: “ Don’t tell me. Was it your bags again-“

S: “I’ll call you later mom. Bags arriving on the carousel!”

Bags. These bags have truly made my travel memorable for all these years. Not always good, but memories all the same!

Its always Cloudy in Silicon Valley

Hey guys, after a brief hiatus (albeit a long one :P) I've finally gotten the time, motivation, desperation (you name it..) to pen another article. Last time we met was when I was en-route to London to read out some paper (yeah, that's how I roll .. ;) ) and we left it at that. Then, I was all set to start working after my BE, until I decided I loved school too much to leave it so soon so veered off course to pursue grad school instead at Carnegie Mellon. One hell of an experience! But that's for another blog, today lets talk something else. Fast forward August 2015, San Jose, California.

Its Friday night. After a harrowing week at work, complete with meetings, brainstorming, whiteboarding and what not, trust me, no other word sounds sweeter that 'weekend!', unless of course if its 'vada pav' or 'baida roti', which thump home any day! Anyway, so as I was saying, Friday night, you're just heading off work and life is awesome. The birds are singing, the people look excited like the ones in the 'Kayam churan' ad and you for once don't even seem mind the traffic build up on Montague, which on its day can put Mumbai's chuna bhatti to shame. So in such productive milieu, I decided to make plans. Now I'm not really the one who makes plans and organizes things. For all I care, best plans are the ones involving food and TV followed by a nap. But hey, sometimes even the toughest grouchy generals are swayed by the Friday storm. Never a sloucher from action, I started calling up my friends to set the ball rollin'.

S: "Hey Man! Its Friday!! Lets do something!"

A: "Um..what?"

S: "You know, the usual. Dinner and movie. We can go to this awesome chaat place I found in Sunnyvale and I heard there's a new Sunny Deol film playing." 

A: "Um..no thanks man. I'm personally sick of Indian food and your kind of movies. Why dont we jus-"

S: "Oh alright! Know what, lets party it out grand today. We'll go to that gelato place and maybe catch Mission Impossible instead?"

A: "Actually I need to visit my relatives in Cupertino, man. They've got this Pooja at their place and they're insisting me to come."

S: "Whoa...who's Pooja?"  

Sadly, he hung up on me for some reason. It seemed like a valid question, no? But it looked like everybody other than me was busy that day. Some were attending office parties, some were out for weekend trips already while some were conspicuously working on a super secret project in a super secret place which they couldn't tell me. Fair enough. A true Kulkarni never backs down. We're always good at holding forts on our own. With a Subway to-go and YouTube, its party started already! After a while, however, when the playlist changed from Honey Singh songs to Baba Sehgal's evergreen hits, I decided to call it a night.

Next morning, after all that partying, I woke up early and made myself some extra spicy adrakwali chai. Usually the dog who stays in the apartment opposite to mine wakes me up. He hates the sight of me. His owner makes more muscles by holding the leash when we come F2F than twirling those freaky gym instruments. I tried being friends with him (the dog) once, but negotiations fell apart and we agreed to disagree from then on. As I sat on the steps outside my apartment sipping chai, I could see him curled up in the opposite window. He saw me with his one eye open or maybe he was just jealous of my awesome chai, but next second he went all gung-ho mode and started barking his head off and being a nuisance to the whole building like he always is. Smiling to myself, much to his chagrin, I wished myself a good morning :) A day well begun.

Usually I don't stay at home on weekends, really. When not hiking (read driving up to a nearby hill where there are a bunch of shrubs to look at) I enjoy my hobbies like reading stuff or doing the laundry for a change. This time however I thought I'll skip the usual El Camino eat out lunch and cook something instead. I've always believed that home cooked food is healthy. Especially after facing those hostile fellows at the restaurant who didn't think too highly of my tipping
 (Hey, 90 cents == 57 Indian rupees!!) So as I was cooking it up while looking at people going up and down the street (my apartment has a great vantage point ;) ) I received a call from my younger cousin in India.

C: "Yo bruh.. waddup?"

S: "Um..bas badhiya. You tell me. How's school? You must be in 8th standard now, right?"

C: "Ya...school's cool. Boring. But I had lotsa fun today."

S: "Great! School took you out for a picnic or something?"

C: "Wha- No! I went out on a date. It was our second one in a month now. I wanted your advice actually. How do you think I should proceed? Should I take it slow or...."

Now, to say that I was thoroughly dumbfounded would be an understatement. Someone asking me advice about dates is like asking Ashish Nehra for batting tips on a bouncy wicket. The only experience I have had with 'dates' are the skype calls which my folks (who are incidentally, strong followers of 'Got a job, get married' movement) set up for me at a moment's notice sometimes and the ones with almonds that I get at the dry fruit shop, which I actually enjoy. So  mind you, this is a totally unchartered territory.

S: "Um..you know what, you should concentrate on studies. Clear your tenth, then the world is yours"

Yeah right. Load of BS. Do kids buy it anymore? 'Clear the 10th, then the world is yours'. 'Clear the 12th, then the world is yours'. 'Clear Engineering, then its all easy'. 'Get a job, then you're all set!'. Being a recipient of these all this while, it felt funny to give all this gyaan away as the source.I could now see what they really mean about inside jokes! :D
     
C: "Easy for you to say. You're in California. Surrounded by awesomeness. Tell me, what exciting are you doing today? I won't tell aunty, promise!"

S: "Um....Okay. I'm making Khichdi today..." 

Maybe my younger brother thought I'm a lost cause after all. After spending a couple of awkward minutes talking about weather, I ended up speaking to my aunt for a longer time, who seemed very interested to know whether we've got access to 'Ambe mohar' rice here.

After a very unspectacular Saturday when even ripper the psycho-dog started getting bored of baring his fangs at me, I dragged myself out of the house to do some grocery shopping at the local Indian store on Sunday (I was running short on chai..). While I was busy fighting for my rightful place at the checkout queue in chaste bambaaiya hindi and giving my advice on 'which roti brands don't stick to the tawa when heated' to inquisitive grannies, I ran into my senior from college who seemed to have bought groceries to ration the whole downtown Mountain View for a week.

S: "Hey, great to bump across you here! What's up?"

F: "Nothing much. Sunday shopping. My in-laws would be coming next week", making a face similar to that of Vinod Kambli's when India lost that '96 match at Eden Gardens

S: "Wow..you got married and all, eh? Congrats!"

F: "Yeah..whatever.."

S:"Where're you at? I live right here in San Jose"

F: "I live in Santa Clara. but will be moving to Cupertino soon. Buying a house there", he forced a smile like a person having a bad toothache but enjoying god's bounty all the same.

S: "Yikes! Congrats are in order! Cupertino, eh? You're one rich guy.."

F: "Yeah right..its a small house but you know, good school district?" shrugging and wagging his eye-brows importantly.

S: "Yeah..I know, I know. Very important.." pfff. Yeah. I also know why Kattappa killed Bahubali.

F: "Anyway, what's up with you these days? Where're you working at?" 

S: "I'm a Cloud Security Engineer. I work at- "

F: "Yeah..its always cloudy in Silicon Valley. Looks like my wife is waiting by the car. Gotta go. See you man, Come home sometime" and with another pained look, he heaved the wheel barrow of his cart towards the parking lot.

After negotiating my way across the checkout queue, I drove back into the Sunday evening sunset, thinking about Clouds, networks and Salman Khan movies.

Project Updates :)

Just going a little off-track here! After a really hectic semester, found time to pull up my chair and type on Blogger again! Well, not being a big mouth here but would like share some good news with you all... :P

Our BE project, titled 'Honeydoop- a system for on demand virtual high interaction honeypots' has been going pretty good and has helped us bag an acceptance from an international IEEE conference! I had submitted a paper proposing the system and its basic overview to the conference and was pleasantly surprised on getting the acceptance letter some time back! Never really thought the idea could prove this cogent! Anyway here are the conference details :

Name : 7th IEEE International Conference for Internet Technology and Secured Transactions     (ICITST)-2012

Where: London, UK

When : Dec 10th to 13th.

Hope everything goes well, there! :)

One of my other papers 'VoIP Cell Phones: Security Concerns and Countermeasures' co-authored with my old 'friend and guide' Chinmay Khasnis (of www.chinusden.blogspot.in fame) too has been accepted for publication in an international journal based in France. Some field month for publications, eh?

Sorry for the side-track! Will be back with my usual self at the earliest! ;) 

Say no to holidays

A Holiday is something what every one craves for.No matter how much one loves his/her work, everyone feels a deep sense of gratitude for the fella who first thought of keeping Sunday as a holiday.Despite it just being a sort of mini-break in a week full of mad rush, the feeling that you get the night before is epic.Ah..I too experience a similar feeling. My idea of holiday, being a Kulkarni, is newspaper in the morning, nap (read good 4 hours of sleep) in the afternoon and some good family time(read watching TV) in the evening. That night, as I geared up for the upcoming day of respite, I had no clue whatsoever, the way the following day would unfold..

It was Sunday.It wasn't exactly a holiday as my college was working. Let me tell a you bit about it.Our college is a dear old thing that can't stand a sight without us for an instant. Moment its without its students is a moment wasted. This time, emotions running high like akin an India v/s Nepal football match, it just couldn't bear a day without us. Finally, it decided to open shop on Sunday afterall (Much to public rejoice)! Oh, I tell you! What affection! Anyway, where was I? Ah..Sunday morning. Despite all the affection, I  decided to skip it for a day. Surgeon's Knife, what? So there I was! Sunday morning, hot cup of tea with snail on the thorn and lark on the worm, or whatever hell that is. Everything seemed perfect. Or did it? As I picked up the newspaper, bang. First warning shot for the day-it was soaking wet.

'Whats wrong with this thing? Did newspaper guy take it to the bath with him?'
'Look outside. Its been pouring since last night.'
'Now how will I read it? Heck, this just isn't done!'
'Why don't you use your hair dryer if you're so desperate? At least you'll keep it functioning.It doesn't look that you've touched that thing in months.'
'Bah! Chuck it. I could do without this for a day' Could I?

Cursing rain and all the newspaper boys in the world, I made it back to my sanctuary-Facebook. Trust me, there's no place as lonely as your Facebook on Sunday. Everyone's out or doing something great. Checking your chats tabs every fifteen minutes on fb makes you think what non-pathetic people in this world are upto!    
Dejected, I switched to Cricket '07. At least it doesn't retort with 'Hey sorry gtg!' everytime you use it.
I was busy beating the hell out of Namibian cricket team when my mom called,

 'Saurabh, theres someone here to see you'
'Who?'
'Rajesh Uncle from the neighborhood!'

Now, let me give you a background here. Rajesh Uncle is perhaps the most serious-looking and sounding person on the planet. He's a sort of guy you expect to see on DD National, playing obsolete instruments or giving a talk on cow health-care.In short, not sort of a guy you'd like to see on a Sunday morning, see?

'Mom, I'm studying!'
'Wont work, we can hear Ritchie Benaud all the way down here..'

Yeesh..I braced myself for a platitudinous disaster.

'Good morning, Saurabh.'
'Hello uncle'
'Good morning, Saurabh.'
'Oh. Good morning!'
'Saurabh, I want to talk with you.' (What was he doing all along? :\)
'uh, huh'

'What are you organizing for Ganpati celebrations?'
'Um, dunno I havent thought about it.'
'Think.Its not too far away. Lets organize something exciting. I was thinking Bhajan singing competitions for kids of our society'
'Sure that'd be great'
'I know. I thinking of inviting my uncle over. He plays tanpura. People will enjoy it.'

Enjoy it? Yeah right? The chap would be asking for raspberry.

'I want you to anchor the event.'
'Really? Gee..I dunno..'
'No you will have to. No one else volunteered. Otherwise you'll have to cover the musical chair for grand parents.'
'Oh no, I'll do it, thanks!' Knowing my relationship with a couple of angry old men of my locality whose windows I'd broken, I decided to steer clear.

After like several millenia, going through the program list again and again, he was finally satisfied, and retired to private life. So far, my Sunday was a total flopper. Trying to make up for the bad start, I decided to spice up things a little. After cracking my brain for an hour, we decided to go for a movie. After all, what other thing might you do on a rainy day? Judging by my day so far, I decided to be extra careful and booked our tickets beforehand online.Presto! Tickets booked, air conditioned hall and blockbuster movie, sounds good eh? Oh I wish...

We reached the movie hall just on time. I had to treat my parents to a nice refreshing brisk-walk in rain owning to long parking queue. I was still kinda optimistic, but my parents were getting frustrated by the minute. After groping in dark for several minutes and stubbing a few dozen toes(thankfully not mine!) we found our seats.
I had hardly watched the mosquito repellent advert on the screen when a shrill voice rang out:

'Excuse me! You're seating on my seat!'
'Wha-?'
'Look mister..K12! My seat.'
'Listen ma'am, I've booked the very same.'
'Show me your ticket!' With an agility of a seasoned TTE she reached for my ticket.

'I'm sure there must some misunderstanding. I booked it online'
'Misunderstanding my foot! You seem to be one of that types who watch movies for free at others expense! I'm aware th-'
'Wait a minute ma'am, lets go outside in the light and check the tickets.'

I had a feeling that people around me were enjoying this exchange more than the title credits that were coming on.So after another game of blinds man's buff, we reached out.

'Show me ticket!'      Again? What was wrong with this woman?
'Wait a minute..your ticket shows Sept 17.That is tomorrow. This is still Sep 16.'
'What!!? Oh..I'm sooo sorrry! My friend booked our tickets you know. She's never good with compu-'

I didn't give two hoots to her friend. Angrily, I moved back to watch the film. After several bruises and a couple of oaths, back I was.

'Whats going on?'
'Shhh'
'Hey, how did he get young all of the sudden? He was old when I left? Flashback kya?'

Before I could get to the root of it, someone shouted from the back

'Oye late current! Zara pudhe baghu dya na!'

The film was comedy cum tragedy (so I thought) but it ended up being a suspense thriller.Not only I didn't know what might happen ahead, I had no clue what had happened earlier. After two hours in the AC like an Idiot, I had to make back home.

As I was preparing to sleep that night, getting ready for monday, I was sure this was a strong contender for the most boring Sunday ever! However, a flicker of thought crossed my mind- maybe not..perhaps this is what makes an ordinary Sunday a little less ordinary. With that in mind, I let myself adrift with sweet dreams of Principles of Compiler Design and Design and Analysis of Algorithms...

Of exams and tomatoes..

 Risk Monitoring Management and Mitigation (RMMI). This is it. The Big one. The one we've all been waiting for. No matter how your exams go, the very last question that you attempt somehow bags the award of being the best question ever! Yes, it even beats those which ask us explain types of marriages and families in HSS(They really did..way back in our second year)

Damn it! Risks? Hmmm..What sort of risks do you encounter when you build software? A tightwad client ? Stuff that can't be 'CTRL C+ CTRL V'ed ? Or some really outta the blue stuff like an inspired Rupee that which suddenly becomes bored of sky-diving and rises against Dollar like CSK's Murali Vijay? LOL..concentrate SRK, concentrate..

After several lines, a few cross-outs and scratching, my long thesis on Software Risks , mentoring, manipulating (and whatever hell that is) was finally deemed fit by the cynic in me. 10 Marks=3 pages was the mantra. I brainstormed my database and came up with good 3.5 lines. The principal arguments were then well supported by the rush of my flawless creativity. The paper had ended. The guy who invigilated us found a better task than twirling his beard and started collecting papers. Some people who sat like thinking philosophers most of the time suddenly found inspiration to put some ink on the answer sheet. Some Usain Bolts raced even faster. And some of us just waited for the magical moment to arrive. Yes. The long grueling exams are finally over.. :)

It's a sea of humanity as soon as we leave the hall. There's a general feeling of contentment, relief and sheer laziness. It's like we've completed a war campaign and not just paper-based tests. The emotions, no longer content with their current accommodation, burst out for some fresh air. Cries of jubilation, sighs of relief and even some oaths find their place under the sun. As Ravi Shastri might put it, "One gets a feeling" of excitement. Here's the scene:

-"Dude! What a paper man! Just Awesome! You saw the last one ? The same one came last time!! I'm so lucky I'd just mugged up the whole thing at the last minute!" ---Really? I didn't really care..


-"hell man..I screwed up my Q8b. ..they asked about 'Design Patterns' , I wrote about Design specifications..do you think they'll give me credit for that?"


-"I'm going to Goa tonight! We've booked th-"


-"Phoenix Maal? 231 number direct jaati hai.."

As I edged my way out of the crowd, I started to look around for my gang. I had no clue what I was gonna do. Maybe catch a movie or hang out somewhere? I spotted 'em leaning against the notice board.This is the bro-code of our group. All of us try to act real cool. Like none of the worldly happenings ever affect us. Our general demeanor is modeled around John Travolta and his 'Legends' from that movie of the eighties..(Whats its name, again?) Anyway,as I joined them, we began to make our plans :

S  : "So fellas! Waddup ? What're we doing to celebrate?"
F1:"Um..you guys go ahead, I just want to brush up my OOP for the entrance test of the boot camp to be held  tomorrow."
F2 :"Celebrate? Hah..The only way I'll celebrate is by spending tonight in that foul smelling sleeper bus. I'm going home tonight.."
S   :"No way! We're watching a movie. How bout MIB-3?"
F1 :"No aliens,man..they keep me awake at night."
F2 :"Aur waise bhi, I haven't seen the first two, whats the point of watching the third one just like that?"


F1 :"Say, why not go at some good eating joint?"
S   :"Little Italy!"
F2 :"No thanks..Keep your pasta for yourself, Signor..that muck doesn't go down my throat."
F1 :"Yeah na..also it's like 300 bucks for noodle-"
S   :"It's Spaghetti! Kuch to izzat rakh uski! "
F2 :"Whatever.How about Flags?"
F1 :"No way.I'm not coming that far.."
S   :"My driver will crib..not to mention the traffic."
F1:"How about some south Indian food? I've heard of a good one called So-"
S  :"You gonna eat dosa to celebrate? Wow.Just Wow.."
F2:"Why not spend a night in my hostel? We'll hang about here and maybe have a code marathon at midnight?"
F1:"Oye..we want to celebrate like humans do.Just to let you know."


S:"Okay fellas ..Look! They're distributing the copies of our college magazine!"

Freebies are always welcome.Despite the thing not being exactly unpublished works of Billy Shakespeare, all of us forgot about the argument and rushed toward it. The crowd found a better medium to direct their emotions and thronged the place. The scene wasn't unlike that of impoverished refugees imitating PT Usha and the Great Khali alike when presented with UN food packets. We somehow managed to penetrate and grabbed our copies.

F2 :"Are you really going to read this?" (flipping the pages)
F1 :"Maybe..the paper quality is good."
S   :"Hey what about the party? Where's the wolfpack heading to?"
F2 :"You know, there's is real cool place up in ko-"

this exciting input was interrupted by my mobile. Somehow, it always finds the most opportune time to get its point across.

S:"Hello?"
M :"Saurabh, get some cauliflower as you come home.We've got guests coming over tonight."
S  :"Yeesh! I might be late.I may go out somewhere.Why don't yo-"
M :" And get some tomatoes as well. Your grandma loves those."
S  :"Wait! I-"
M :"Quickly, Saurabh. They're coming at seven."
S  :"Wait! Hello? Hello?"

Oh man.I knew it was worthless even to put up a fight. Any sort of attempts from my side would dealt with firm defense akin to Rahul Dravid's innings when he likes the stadium and decides to hang about a little. Resigning myself to the fate, I left the discussion and started walking towards the exit.

some F :"Hey, where're you going? We've decided to visit Li-"

"to buy tomatoes...", I replied and trudged my way back to the car..

Wonder Down Under ?

Its been one hell of an 'Agnipath' series so far! With our team failing miserably with the bat, ball and excuses, its no wonder that everyone back home are calling for their heads. An average Indian has limited options (or shall we say, skillsets?). Either he can follow cricket zealously and swear on its stalwarts or start a riot over almost anything that he mildly disapproves. The current performance didn't help the former trait much. However, one fails to see the bright side of this thrashing. I say, this debacle has far more positives than one could've ever perceived! I tried explaining this to the kids in my locality yesterday, but the boorish folk failed to grasp the crust and I had to escape with a tear on my track pants and wounded vanity. Still, wanting to save the world from despair and opprobrious remarks over the weekend, I decided to skive off college for the day and work for the 'greater good'. So friends, Romans, and country-men lend me your ears! (Eyes I mean.. :P )

It may seem pretty pathetic at sight to see India shut shop within 3 odd days every test match, but the ulterior motive eludes us. With matches ending well before 5 days, Australian cricket board and the broadcasters lost several million dollars worth revenue. Indian team's financial condition too wasn't much salubrious since the England tour and as they say, 'If you can't go up, pull the pajamas of the fella who already is'. The Aussies somehow came to know of this through their sinister network of spies consisting of beach life guards and hotel bellboys, decided that enough was enough when they didn't enforce the follow on in the last test. But it was well after the men in blue had a good laugh about it! Result: Indians didn't earn much and Aussies couldn't earn much so a total 'fittoos' !

Australian media is perhaps the most critical media that follows cricket after our good old India TV. I remember, once an aussie newspaper printed a 5 lines long article on Australia's dismal performance at the World Cup '11 on page 13. That immense dressing-down and sound criticism left the poor players hanging their heads in shame. Indians loved that! They expected Ricky Ponting to be dropped and made to live as a fisherman in Tasmania. Too bad the team decided to let him have his last chance! Determined to teach them a lesson, India let Ricky run wild this series, hoping that he crumbles in Australia's next encounter with the mighty Bangladesh and forced to retire. Needless to say, this plan was well supported by Namibia, Ireland and Zimbabwe. India earned a lot of goodwill through this. And after all, as that baba who airs on 2:00 am on MTV says, 'We come to this life to collect as much as good will as we can'. Indian team, who follow him religiously, don't need much encouragement to follow the suit!

Australian hotel owners are wily foxes. They thought that they'd rent out rooms to our players at exorbitant prices and get away with it. After all, with full day matches and practice sessions, players would only turn in to sleep at night, right? But Indians are adept at striking a good deal everytime, and our players did not disappoint. Poor hotel staff were forced to work double shifts! What's more we even carried our coupons from Snapdeal that entitled us to have free Go-Karting sessions per every $500 spent on meals! Now isn't that amazing?! Aussies need to work a lot harder if they want to beat us at our own game. Last heard, they were trying to rope in Monisha Sarabhai (of Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai repute) as a coach to better their performance in this regard!

What's more, Indians squeezed in sight seeing, oratory practice, high jump practice at Perth ,holidaying and also lil bit of cricket on this grueling tour. If that's not multi tasking then RA- One should be given an oscar for the best film. So our team has not let us down in any way, but kept our Indian pride burning furiously! What's more, the series poured some cold water on the school kids wanting to see 'Agnipath' the movie who were wise enough to recognize the analogy. Much to the delight of their parents! So fellas, stop brooding and feel the thunder down under! Get out and enjoy the weekend!

The Holiday Conundrum

It all began on 20th October. Being done with our submissions and with Diwali round the corner, feeling of excitement and joy albeit with occasional pang of panic about the upcoming exams was in the air. These PLs suck. Its like holding out a candy to a toddler and wolfing it down before it can reach it.You can't study, because,well, its Diwali time and you're not supposed to study in Diwali.You can't 'not study' because, hell, you've got these goddamn exams breathing down your neck all the time! University coves love this. Its like their own strategy of keeping scores in check.Anyway, as I was saying, it all started on 20th October morning........

"Where do you want to go after your exams?", asked my father over his newspaper.I love this discussion! Every semester one month before the exams get over, our family enjoys discussing 'where to go!' ( or rather, 'where not to go' ) We take days to reach an apt conclusion. I like everything grand! 5 star hotels, air travel, that's what travel is all about,baby! But my parents believe in educating me about 2nd class trains with singing beggars and open windows. I staunchly hold on to my ideals though..(whenever I can). Also there's always some kind of twist in the end. Who doesn't like some good suspense? And whats travel without any last minute glitches, anyway ?

I remember once we had a long discussion about the same and we all agreed to visit Japan (Russia, Hong Kong etc were gallant fighters till the end). I excitedly learnt some basic Japanese, we decided what gizmos should we buy, got the visa as well! We ended up going to Ratnagiri. On the similar lines we were all set to honor South Africa with our presence during IPL II but our travel agent loved Ethiopia. He booked us to Jo'berg via Addis Ababa (google it.. :P) which required vaccination against a battery of illnesses. Put off, we (read: my Parents) thought Haridwar was a better choice.We once reached railway station en route to Nagpur but train was delayed by 14 odd hours.To avoid future cancellations and modifications in the itinerary, we traveled overnight in a rickety, smelly bus and shared our seats with some cuddly rats.Thrilling tale, goto http://chinusden.blogspot.com/2011/01/orange-melange.html to read more about it!

So, this time, then the winter session of our family's parliament opened up again, I was determined to make it big. The anticipated question thoroughly woke me up with a jerk faster than the cup of adrak-wali chai I was warming up to. "Iceland!",I exclaimed. I'd been re-reading The Journey to the Center of the Earth the night before and by Jove, how would I have loved to visit Sneffels!

" How about UK? ", my mum joined the party.

"UK ? You sure? It's freezing there this time of the year", said dad.

"So what? We can visit Scottish Highlands.I always wanted to go there."

"Hey wait a minute! Iceland isn't far fr-"

"Okay, let's see. My friend lives in Malaysia. Maybe we could....."

"But, Ice-"

"Malaysia? We can combine Singapore with that!"

and the two conveniently forgot to hear whenever I mentioned anything that stated with 'I'.After several millenia , I realized that my part in the discussion was equivalent to that of Mongolia in the United Nations non proliferation of nuclear weapons debate.Sensing defeat, I retreated back to my computer and forgot all about it.

Evening brought a conclusion. Malaysia it was! Year end in Singapore! It sounded too good to be true. I asked Chinmay, my 'friend in the family' about it. He seemed to like the idea as well. Finally feeling pretty enthusiastic, I ventured off happily to arrange a tour.I called several travel agents, they all seemed pretty helpful at first.They were all talk about the wonders of their tours , their food and even their taxis. But when it came to convey their estimate, they obstinately held on to their 'Puneri' principles. I realized that I should meet them face to face and strike a deal. So after spending an entire afternoon on watching videos like 'how to be a boss' , 'how to strike a good deal' and 'how to intimidate people' on Youtube, I set off.

First few were typical. They refused to budge. 'Take it or leave it',they said. I left it. We Kulkarnis are pretty firm when it comes to pride. The last one was a woman. 'Ha!' ,I thought. 'Here comes my deal.. I knew from watching loads of Hindi movies that women , often , give in easily. How wrong I was. This one , as it turned out, was a true salesperson who seemed hell-bent on selling it to me. When I first received her Quote, I balked at it.'75,000 per person?? No way! We are 6 people. 40,000! Group Discount banta hai! ' Still, after several e mails and 2 pages of my MMC textbook, she finally agreed upon a middle price, 50,000. Feeling smug, I accepted it. Sadly my parents didn't.

'50,000? You want to blow away 150,000 in 7 days? We'll stay at my friend's place in Malaysia. Cut the hotel costs.'

'But the good lady at the agency says she can't do that. We have to avail all their services!',I protested.

'Then you can go with that 'good lady' when you start earning. We can go on our own.'

Gee, I felt bad when I told her our decision. She had worked hard to settle on 50,000. Dejected, I left all the stuff on my parents. I couldn't afford to spend more time on that in any case. DSP still gives me nightmares..

After few days, I casually asked mum,

'So, whats the prograaam? Malaysia, right? When're we going?'

'What Malaysia? oh..that..we dropped the idea.Your Passport has expired this month. We need to renew it. It'll take a month or so. Maybe we could go in Summer. We can even go to Spain! You saw ZNMD na?..'

My heart dropped like a catch from Kamran Akmal's glove. All that planning, all that discussion, all that 'cajoling'..All in vain! With just 2 days left for the exam, I had to let it be. But then I realized, the major attraction of the holiday is in planning it and not executing it. As Oscar Wilde (blame uncyclopedia for that!)pointed out, the point is in journey, not the destination.

PS: As of 12th December, my holidays have started and I'm still in Pune.We plan to visit Savantwadi next week.